Rules in the Avengers
by ForeverKitty
Summary: My OC, Kira, joins the Avengers...Oh, THIS should be fun...just the rules in the avengers. I will get reasons for the rules up soon...I hate summaries. Rated T just in case. Oh, and some Hawkeye/OC or Clint/OC whatever ya want to call it.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers, just Kira and Michael. I don't even own the rules, I got them from other places and threw my OCs in.(Special thanks to KaboomStacho for being the place where I could get so many amazingly hilarious rules…)**

Meet the OCs!

Kira Adrian: S.H.I.E.L.D agent turned Avenger. Dating Clint Barton. Brother named Michael Adrian. Can turn her whole body into diamond, giving her increased strength, speed and agility.

Michael Adrian: New recruit to the Avengers: Superhuman strength, speed and endurance. Prankster. Not dating anyone yet.

The Rules:

1) Steve is "Captain America" not "Captain New York and those other 49, lesser states"

2) Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with Pop-Tarts just because Thor has declared them "the food of the Gods."

3) Kira and Clint are not allowed to sell Tony to another planet, even if they were promised really cool weapons in exchange.

4) Thor is not allowed to "Bring down the wrath of Odin" on the person who ate the last package of Pop-Tarts.

5) Tony and Micheal are not allowed to call a meeting about how to improve future meetings.

6) Clint is not allowed to wake Steve up in the morning by yelling that the Germans are coming at the top of his lungs.

7) Tony and Michael are not allowed to bedazzle the Captain America suit.

8) Clint is not allowed to hide up in the rafters in order to shoot people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.

9) Everyone stop calling Papa John's and ordering pizza. They don't deliver to the helicarrier. Get used to it.

10) No, Steve, having an Avengers bake sale is not a good idea. So please stop bringing it up in meetings.

11) Pants are not optional for team meetings.

12) Clint, there is no need to shoot at everything you think is a target. We get it, you are better than Katniss.

13) Michael, for the love of God, stop putting the Captain America suit in the dryer. You know perfectly well it shrinks.

14) Thor, you gotta get some new comeback lines for fighting with Loki. The line "Yeah-well-you're adopted!" is getting a _little_ old…

15) Steve is no longer allowed to tell knock-knock jokes. If no one is laughing, they are clearly not funny. And if Tony, Michael, and/or Kira is laughing, it's not at the joke, it's at you.

16) Whenever Thor yells out phrases like "I'M QUENCHED!" or throws a cup on the ground and yells "ANOTHER!" just spray him with water from a squirt bottle, as he needs to learn about inside voices.

17) Steve, ignore Tony when he asks if you want to play hide-and-seek. You know he is lying when he says he will look for you.

18) Nobody knows how Bruce's pants stay on when he turns into the Hulk. We don't know why, but we are thankful for it. So stop asking.

19) Whoever is stealing Thor's clothes while he is showering please stop. It doesn't upset him. He simply walks around in the nude as he finds it freeing. Now stop encouraging him.

20) If you have something to say, just say it to someone rather then posting sticky notes everywhere, Thor. We mean it.

21) Never tell Bruce that we are out of Lucky Charms. Whenever we are out you will bleeping find a way to go to the bleeping grocery store and buy that crap.

22) Steve is no longer allowed to eat Kira's lip balm. It's hazardous to his health. In more ways then one.

23) Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any "Magic beans"

24) Post-mission reports to Director Fury are not allowed to begin with "So let me explain…"

25) Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint, stop referring to it as such.

26) Clint's super-power is not "Being super-annoying"

27) The Avengers are not allowed to go to the Hunger Games.

28) Tony is not allowed to make a movie about himself. He is also not allowed to ask any of the following actors if they would like to star in it as himself-Tommy Lee Jones, Brad Pitt, James Earl Jones, Justin Timberlake, or any member of One Direction.

29) Tony cannot dress up as any other race for Halloween. Last time this happened, we got a lot of calls from Antonio Banderas.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kira: Hey everybody! And welcome to my world. All I can really say is…Good luck.**

**Me: Kira! We're here for the disclaimer remember!**

**Kira: Oh….Yeah. Well, I'm here to say that ForeverKitty does not own the Avengers, nor does she claim to. I'm here to say that she just owns me and my brother Michael, who will show up later.**

**Me: Thank you. **

**And now…On to the story!**

Rule Number 1: Steve is "Captain America" not "Captain New York and those other 49, lesser states."

"This is so stupid." My boyfriend, Clint Barton, says for what is literally the forty-seventh time today.(I would know I've been counting) "We're SECRET AGENTS, Kira. Secret agents don't do talk shows."(Time He's Said That Line Number Sixty-Five.) We're currently on the set of _Nationally Yours,_ what is apparently the "best talk show since Oprah and Ellen" according to American viewers. I don't really watch this stuff, but Tony's PR people got us on and well…We're kind of famous after the whole Chitauri invasion thing.

"Yes Clint, I know, but our whole 'We don't exist' thing was already blown after everyone saw us fighting aliens on frickin CNN! So it just means that some terrorists might realize that we're the same people who blew up their illegal weapons trafficking facility. We're superheroes now, Clint, " I say as I lay my head on his shoulder. " So we just gotta figure this whole thing out. Together, okay?"

"Hey guys, that's our cue" Bruce says, but Tony, being Tony, runs out first and shouts "Preeeeesenting! Legolas, Sparkly(_"What. The. Fuck. " _I hiss.)"I think he means you and Clint" Bruce whispers, gently pushing us on. Clint and I walk out with completely confused looks, but Tony has to keep going."Shakespeare in the Park(Thor comes out. I give him a 'No you cannot throw the hammer at Tony" look.)"The Jolly Green Giant(I don't care what Fury says, Bruce has the Hulk completely under control, as Tony is still sadly alive and annoying even after giving Bruce this nickname.)"Spidergirl(Oh God. He's ticked off Natasha. He's doomed…) "and finally, who you've all been waiting for, Captain New York and those Other 49, Lesser States!"

"Okay, that does it!" Clint yells, notching an arrow and shooting it at Tony. Thor throws the hammer, Steve chucks the shield, Tony runs backstage and comes out wearing the Iron Man suit(It strikes me that it's a little weird that they all brought weapons to a talk show) And pretty soon, my boyfriend, a demigod, a super-soldier from World War II, and a genius multi-billionare are all trying to kill each other. And oh shit, even Bruce is looking a little green. Natasha and I look at each other, we look at the talk-show host, we look at the camera guy, and together we yell "Go to your fucking commercial break already!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Yeah I totally own the Avengers that's why I'm writing FANFICTION. **

**Reviews always appreciated. Thank you for all the support I have gotten so far.**

**Rule Number 2: Tony is not allowed to replace the contents of the entire cafeteria with Pop-Tarts just because Thor has declared them "The food of the Gods."**

"Oh my God, I'm starving" I say as Clint and I walk towards the cafeteria. "Yeah, me too. I just hope they're not serving tacos again. Those were disgusting." He replies. "Yeah I know. Hey if they are serving something crappy want to go to Jimmy John's or something?" "Sure."

We walk into the cafeteria and get in line.

"Um…Clint?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are there only Pop-Tarts for options?"

"GREETINGS SON OF BARTON AND DAUGHTER OF ADRIAN! HAVE YOU TRIED THESE TARTS OF POP? THEY ARE THE FOOD OF THE GODS!"

"Um…No thanks Thor."

"I'm good."

"THE MAN OF IRON HATH FILLED YOUR DINING HALL WITH THE TARTS OF POP SO WE MAY FEAST!"

"Okay…And where exactly is Tony now?"

"IN YOUR KITCHENS"

Clint and I stomp into the kitchens. "STARK!" we both scream.

"Pop-Tart?" Tony asks, coming out holding a box of the stuff.

"Tony." I say very calmly.

"yes Sparkly?"

"Why did you fill the entire contents of our cafeteria with Pop-Tarts?"

"Cause Shakespeare in the Park likes 'em. You don't argue with a God darling"

I grab Clint and drag him out of the kitchen before he shoots Tony for calling me "Darling" "So, Jimmy John's?" I say calmly.

"So that's it? That's all we're doing? We're just gonna let him get away with this? We're NOT going to kick his ass?" Clint asks.

"No. We are going to go out to lunch. And then when we get back we are going to do something far worse then anything we could ever do to Tony."

"Which is?"

"We're gonna tell Fury."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers. No. Duh.**

**Rule 3: Kira and Clint are not allowed to sell Tony to another planet, even if they were promised really cool weapons in exchange.**

"Thanks. We'll get you the merchandise as soon as I can get him drunk."

"Clint, what are you doing?" Natasha and I walk over to him. "I'm selling Tony to another planet. They said they'd give us some high-tech weapons in exchange. Want to help?"

"Sure! I'll go knock him out or something."

*Five minutes later*

I walk in holding an unconscious Tony and see Clint getting lectured by Fury on how, no matter how unlikely it could possibly seem, we do actually need Tony Stark in the Avengers.

"But the Pop-Tarts-

"And embarrassing us all on national television-

"And I'm sure Pepper and Rhodey could come with a million more if you'd just let us call them-

"And we all know perfectly well that poking Bruce is hazardous to every living organism on this helicarrier-

"And Steve and Natasha could come up with a billion more too-

"Both of you. Shut it. Yes, Stark is annoying. Yes, I'm pretty sure we've all wished we could sell him to the aliens at some point, but-

"They promised us these really, really cool weapons in exchange and now we won't get them! And it wasn't like anybody was actually gonna miss Tony anyways! Except maybe Pepper. Maybe. She might not, so really it's like nobody's gonna miss him!"

Ah, Clint logic. Gotta love it right?

Fury sighed. "You two are supposed to be the examples. For the rest of them."

I burst out laughing. "You want the S.H.I.E.L.D agents to be examples? Didn't you recruit my brother Michael to the Avengers?"

"Yes Kira. Is that a problem?"

"I'll give you a hint. Tony and Michael are gonna totally hit it off."

"We're screwed. "

"Yeah that was pretty much my reaction too." I say smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Let me check…Nope don't own the Avengers.**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing and following and favoriting. Every review makes me so happy, so…click the button? Please? I'd love to know which rules were your favorites, or anything really.**

**Rule Number 4: Thor is not allowed to bring down the "Wrath of Odin" on the person who ate the last package of Pop-Tarts.**

_Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored_. I think as I walk down the hallway of the helicarrier. _Where's Michael? I would have expected him to have blown up the lab by now or something._

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH! KIRAAAAAAA!" My younger brother Michael runs down the hallway and ducks behind me. "HELP!"

"What did you do? I told you not to throw water balloons at Clint, but did you listen to me? Noooooo. And now I have to stop him from killing you AGAIN."

"It's not Clint and I didn't throw water balloons at him. You know perfectly well that's what Dad and I did when you introduced him to Mom and Dad last month. Oh that was hilarious-"

"MICHAEL!"

"Okay, okay, okay. I swear I didn't do anything this time. I was looking for you and I went in the kitchen. And then there was this box of Pop-Tarts on the counter and I was really really hungry and there was one package left. So I ate it and then the dude with the hammer and the hair that is around the same length as Mom's said something like 'WHOEVER EATS THE LAST OF THE TARTS OF POP MUST FACE THE WRATH OF ODIN!' and that's when I started running for my life."

I take a deep breath. I doubt Michael's lying, he seems pretty terrified, I've had training on how to tell if someone's lying, and the saddest part of them all?

It takes absolutely no trouble on my part to imagine this actually happening.

"Thor! What on earth are you doing!"

"I AM SMITING THE BRIGAND WHO ATE THE LAST OF THE TARTS OF POP!"

"First of all, that 'brigand' is my brother Michael, second of all, he didn't know that you were going to try to kill him, he just wanted a snack, and third of all, we shouldn't have to worry about you killing whoever eats the last of the Pop-Tarts in the first place! Tony will buy you more Pop-Tarts. There's only one of Michael."

"BUT-

"Thor. I have Jane Foster in my contacts list. I'm sure she'd be very interested to know about the fact that you nearly killed my brother over a breakfast pastry. Should I call her?" I pull out my iPhone.

"UM….THE MAN OF IRON WILL GET ME MORE OF THE TARTS OF POP?"

"Yes."

"JANE WILL KNOW NOTHING OF THIS?"

"Not unless you try to kill anyone else."

"I SUPPOSE I WILL AGREE TO YOUR TERMS."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Once again….I do not own the Avengers.**

**Rule Number 5: Tony and Michael are not allowed to call a meeting on how to improve future meetings.**

"So what do you think this meetings about?" I ask Natasha. "Well, Tony and Michael called it, so I was guessing it was about something like installing a Shwarma in the helicarrier," she replies.

Ya know how earlier I said Tony and Michael were totally gonna hit it off? Well they did, and the rest of us have been paying the consequences. Last Wednesday I had to break up a fight between Maria Hill and Tony and Michael because apparently Maria took offense to them saying she was the Avenger's wicked stepmother.(Fury didn't take to well to Tony and Michael calling him 'Dad' either.) So I keep Maria and Fury from throwing them out the helicarrier, and what do I get? Another stupid meeting.

Tony and Michael walk in wearing business suits, and Michael is holding a piece of paper. Tony starts, "Mr. Adrian and I have been noticing that these triweekly meetings we have are very boring. So Mr. Adrian and I have decided to make a list of ways to improve any meetings we may have in the future." _Oh God._ Michael starts reading off the list. "Suggestion Number 1: Tequila shots. Suggestion Number 2: Installing a flat-screen TV.(This is when Natasha gets up and storms out of the room) Suggestion Number 3: Installing a Wii. (Steve and Fury get up and walk out of the room) Suggestion Number 4: (This is when Clint, Thor, Maria and Bruce and I-who are the only ones left and I honestly don't know why the heck we stayed this long-get up and walk out of the room) The last thing I hear Tony saying is "What-you guys don't like tequila shots?"

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update and that it's so short. As an apology-special triple update! Yayyy!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Guess what! Great news! I still don't own the Avengers.**

**Rule Number 6: Clint is not allowed to wake Steve up by yelling that the Germans are coming at the top of his lungs.**

"Kira, sweetheart, wake up." I feel myself being gently shaken and I slowly blink my eyes open. I look over at Clint "What's going on? It had better be good at…" I look over at my clock "2: 16 in the morning? Clint what on earth is going on at 2: 16 in the morning?"

" It's Magneto again. Come on, he's attacking a nuclear missile base. Everyone else is already up but you and Steve. "

"Isn't Magneto the X-Men's villain? Why can't they deal with him?"

"Come on, Kira."

I get dressed( First having to shove Clint OUT of my bedroom-God he can be so immature sometimes) and Clint and I get into Steve's room and we both try to shake him awake, but if it wasn't for his snoring I would probably be thinking he was dead at this point. Seriously, the dude sleeps like a rock. Clint sighs, takes a deep breath and…

"GET UP ROGERS! THE GERMANS ARE COMING! ROGERS, BARNES, DUGAN, EVERYBODY! DON'T YOU HEAR ME! I SAID THE GERMANS ARE COMING YOU LITTLE GIRLS! GET MOVING!"

Steve rolls out of bed and stands up with his arm in a salute "Captain Steven Rogers reporting for duty-" He sees me, rolling my eyes and motioning to Clint, who is giving him an impatient 'Come on already' look. Steve gets the suit on, and the three of us run to the briefing room, and I hope that I don't have to break up a fight-Michael and Natasha fight enough for all of us-and we get there to see Fury talking to everyone else.

"Charles Xavier has informed me that his X-Men have taken care of our Magneto issue, therefore they don't need the Avengers. You can all go back to sleep." _Oh my God you have to be kidding me._ THAT was when Steve turned to glare at Clint, who gave him this 'Not my fault?' kind of look. I roll my eyes.

The rest of the helicarrier was soon woken up, and I spent the rest of my day-or technically night-fielding questions about why Captain Rogers was chasing my boyfriend around the helicarrier at 2:30 a.m. Yep, this is my life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Yep, as usual, I do not own the Avengers, I just own Kira and Michael. **

**Cara Tala: I loved the idea of telling Pepper and it seemed like something Kira might actually do…so this one's for you and thank you so much for all the support you've been giving me! It's people like you who keep me writing.**

**Rule 7: Tony and Michael are not allowed to bedazzle the Captain America suit.**

**"**AVENGERS! Get going! We've spotted the A.I.M team, get to the Quinjet immediately!" See, A.I.M(Advanced Idea Mechanics. Basically, a ton of super-geniuses who make super-weapons and sell them to all the super-terrorists. The result? Not so super.) had made some kind of weapon that I think Tony and Bruce tried to explain to us the other day, but considering I'm not good at science on my REGULAR sleep schedule, me on the "My boyfriend was getting chased around the helicarrier by a legend from the 1940s because he told said legend that the Germans were coming in order to get him out of bed" sleep schedule isn't really good at anything. So I won't even pretend to understand what this weapon's about, just that it could do a lot of damage and we have to destroy it.

"WHERE THE HELL IS CAPTAIN ROGERS!" Fury yelled. I shout into my comlink "Steve! Where are you! We're about to go!"

"I'm not coming out!" His voice replied.

"WHAT DOTH HE MEAN HE IS NOT COMING!" Thor booms.

"Captain Steven Andrew Rogers if you don't get out here this instant I will go in there and drag out your dead body!" Natasha screams.

"She'll do it Steve. I'd come out if I was you," Clint adds. Suddenly, all activity stops as S.H.I.E.L.D agents all over the place burst out laughing. As Steve walks towards us, Tony and Michael are laughing their heads off and the rest of us are trying to see what the heck is going on. When Steve finally comes into view, I burst out laughing and have to lean on Clint so I don't fall over. The Captain America suit is covered in pink glitter and rhinestones. I mean COVERED in glitter and rhinestones. I turn to Tony and Michael and just ask" You two wouldn't happen to know anything about this would you?" They just laugh harder. I sigh. I'll deal with them later. Terrorists are more important.

It actually goes a lot better than I thought it would. The A.I.M people are too busy laughing at Steve to even actually attack us, so that's over pretty quickly. I call Pepper about Tony(She did NOT sound happy when I hung up.) and Mom and Dad about Michael.(I can just imagine Dad laughing his head off at what Michael's done now, until Mom glares at him and he stops sheepishly.)

Oh, and Clint, Natasha, Bruce and I had a bonfire with the bedazzled, rhinestone-y glittery spandex suit, cause the glitter and the rhinestones just wouldn't come off(Tony said he paid extra for "The good stuff".) so Fury just got Steve a new Captain America suit. So it could have gone worse-But I'm expecting worse to come for a visit next week.

**So, I've been thinking lately…What if I did a story about Clint and Kira together, like how they got together and stuff, using the events of the movie. If you would like me to do that, let me know…Thanks so much!**

**~ForeverKitty**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **

**Michael: As usual, ForeverKitty does not own the Avengers. She just owns Kira and me. Now read the story. **

**Me: Thank you Michael. Oh, and I got up the beginning of the prequel to this story, it's called Diamonds and Arrows, and should be on my profile. I hope you guys like it…**

**Rule 8: Clint is not allowed to hide up in the rafters in order to shoot people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours. **

I get into work a little later than usual today. I overslept, because breaking up fights between Clint and Steve over the whole "The Germans are coming" fiasco is not exactly conducive to sleep. Maria looks at me, nods and says "Oh good Kira, you're here. Take a seat next to Stevenson and get started."

I give her a "I thought you were my friend" look. See, Agent Alec Stevenson is probably the least-liked agent in S.H.I.E.L.D. He's a jerk who makes the rest of us do everything while he plays Galaga for most of the work day…Obviously we're all hoping he turns out to be working for A.I.M or something so we can beat him up. Some agents have already called dibs if he does turn out to be a double agent.

For a little while, I try to concentrate, but the Galaga theme music isn't exactly conducive to working any more than Steve and Clint trying to kill each other is conducive to rest. I'm just about to pull the plug on Stevenson's computer when suddenly he screams out in pain. I whip my head around to see Stevenson screaming like a two-year-old girl because there's an arrow stuck in his hand.

You're probably thinking the same thing I am at this point. I look up and I see Clint, hiding in the rafters, bow and arrows with him as always. Maria storms over…

"BARTON! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

"Shooting the guy who was playing Galaga during work hours. Don't we have rules on that?"

"YOU DO NOT SHOOT PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FRICKING PLAYING GALAGA DURING FRICKING WORK HOURS!"

"You hired me as a sniper. I have to keep in practice."

It's times like these I wonder if Clint has a death wish.

"YOU-YOU-YOU-AAAAAAAGH!" Maria stomps out of the room. That's when pretty much the entire room starts cheering.

I throw my arms around Clint's neck and kiss him. Two seconds later we're in a full-on make out session. A couple more people start applauding and cheering. I break the kiss and smile at him. He laughs softly.

"Hmm. I should shoot people more often."


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Don't own the Avengers, as usual…**

**Rule 9: Everyone stop calling Papa John's and ordering pizza. They don't deliver to the helicarrier. Get used to it.**

"So what do you guys want?" Tony asks us. It's Friday night, we're bored and we're ordering pizza.

"I just want a salad." Natasha says.

"Pepperoni and a root beer!" Michael shouts.

"Just cheese thanks." I say.

"I WANT THE FOOD FROM THE LAND OF HAWAII!"Thor shouts.

"That means pineapple right?" Tony whispers to Clint.

"It's either that or he means coconut."

"I'll take pepperoni too." Steve adds.

"Vegetable pizza for me." Bruce says.

"I'll take pepperoni too." Clint finishes.

"Okay…so that's one pepperoni and soda for Michael, one cheese for Kira, a salad for Natasha, pepperoni for Steve and Clint, vegetable for Bruce and pineapple for Thor. Anyone else want soda?"

"THE DIET OF PEPSI!"(Thor)

"Diet Coke."(Natasha)

"Mountain Dew."(Me)

"I'll just have water"(Bruce)

"I'll have a cola" (Steve.)

"That means Coke right?" Tony whispers to Clint again.

"Yeah I think so. I'll just get Mountain Dew as well."(Clint)

"Okay…"Tony calls the Papa Johns number.

"Hi, can I get two pepperoni pizzas, one cheese pizza, one salad, one vegetable and one pineapple pizza? Oh, and can I also get a Diet Pepsi, a Diet Coke, a regular Coke-and don't get those mixed up by the way last time that happened it didn't end well…And also two Mountain Dews. That's under Tony Stark. T-O-N-Y S-T-A-R-K. Yes, THE Tony Stark. Address? Uh…We're in a helicarrier. Kinda floating above your city now. Shouldn't be too hard, just get a helicopter or something…WHAT?"

"What's wrong?" we all ask.

"They can't deliver to the helicarrier."

"WHAT?!" we all shout.

"NOW what are we going to do for dinner?" Michael yelled. "I'm starving over here!"

I shrug. "Well…We could always try Dominoes."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: No sir, I do not own the Avengers. **

**Rule 10: No Steve, having an Avengers bake sale is not a good idea. So please stop bringing it up in meetings.**

I sigh. Dang do I hate these meetings. The boys somehow always manage to mess them up…You'd think they would run out of ways to make my life an insane asylum by now, but they just keep going. I walk into the meeting room and take my seat.

Tony's PR people are talking about something-or-other, but I'm not really paying attention. Blah, blah blah blah blah, we need to seem more approachable, blah blah blah blah blah, the public can't relate with a ton of gods/geniuses/secret agents, blah blah blah blah blah, Kira pay attention, blah blah blah, Kira are you even listening to me, blah blah blah blah blah, KIRA REBECCA ADRIAN STOP DAYDREAMING ABOUT CLINT AND LISTEN TO THE DANG MEETING!

Oh. They're talking to me. I come out of my dream world(Why does everyone always think I'm daydreaming about Clint? That's rude. I mean, I am daydreaming about Clint, but that's not the point now is it?) and smile cheerfully. "You were saying?"

"I was saying that the Avengers need to be more approachable. The public can't relate with you guys. I mean, you got the billionare genius, the scientist who turns into a giant green rage monster under stress, the demigod, the Super-Soldier from World War 2, the spy, the other spy, yet another spy, and Michael who we're not even really sure why he was recruited. They need to see you guys as regular people with great powers and great responsibility."

"Responsibility. I hate that word."(Tony)

"Responsibility? What's that? Sounds boring."(Michael.)

"Regular people? Well I was always a good liar."(Me.)

"Regular people? Who does that?"(Clint)

"WHAT DOTH THEY MEAN I AM NOT APPROACHABLE?" Thor booms.

"Cause if anyone ever did try to approach him they'd go deaf within three minutes." I whisper back to Clint.

"And if anyone tried to approach Natasha she'd shoot them." He responds.

"And usually when people approach Bruce they poke him to see if he'll Hulk out and it doesn't end well." I add.

"And if anyone tried to approach Tony-Well he'd probably be drunk."

"And I've seen women try to approach Steve. He usually ends up calling them 'dame' 'broad' or 'little lady' and ends up being slapped." I say, remembering that day. Oh that was awesome…And a couple people posted it on YouTube as well. I've been watching the footage of that over and over again.

"And if anyone ever tried to approach you or me we'd kick their asses."

I laugh. "Yep, so approachable."

"Um.." Steve comes out "I've got an idea."

"NO!" We all yell at once.

"But I was just gonna-

"NOT HAPPENING!"

"But guys I actually think it's a good idea-

"WE DON'T CARE!"

"All I want to do is have an Avengers bake sale!"

"NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN ROGERS!" we all yell. Director Fury slaps his hand down on the table to get the rest of us to shut up.

"MEETING ADJOURNED!"

And we all run out.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Insert funny disclaimer about how I don't own the Avengers here.**

**Rule 11: Pants are not optional for team meetings.**

I walk into the meeting, late, as usual. After all the crazy meetings we've had before, nearly everyone shows up to these meetings late in the hopes of missing whatever crazy thing Tony, Michael, or Michael and Tony working together have done now. Including me.

I walk in, sit in a chair between Clint and Tasha, and set down my bag. Tony isn't here yet…Not a good sign. My phone randomly vibrates with the Doctor Who theme song, Michael's ringtone. I pick it up and see that he's texted me.

_Message from: Michael Adrian_

_I can't make it to the meeting today. I'm sick. No, seriously I am. Or I will be. If I go to that meeting. Bye sis! Don't get scarred for life!_

Not good. I want to leave, but then Fury walks in and I can just hope that Michael was exaggerating.

"So we may have a problem-Wait a minute, where's Stark? "

"Right here!" Tony's voice yells as he walks in wearing a Stark Industries T-shirt-and nothing else. No seriously, the guy is naked from the waist down. I look away and bury my face in Clint's chest as quick as I can, but not before I see several things I could have gone my entire life without seeing.

As Fury starts swearing at Tony, yelling something about how if he does this again Clint, Tasha and I will give him the most painful death we can possibly imagine(And three S.H.I.E.L.D agents working together could probably come up with some pretty fun-well, fun for Clint, Tasha and me at least-ways to kill him) I pull out my phone and text Michael.

_Message To: Michael Adrian_

_Don't get scarred for life? Too fucking late._

**_So, before the next chapter, one more thing: Are there any rules in particular you guys would like me to do that I haven't covered already? If I get enough, I could make a whole new list once I've finished with this one…So just tell me through a review or PM me if there's anything you want to see. _**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters.**

"WHERE'S ADRIAN!"

"I'm right here Steve. You don't have to yell."

"Not you, Michael."

"Oh God, what's he done now?"

In response, Steve holds up what has to be the tiniest representation of the Captain America suit I have ever seen.

"What's that for, a Barbie doll?" I ask, snickering.

"Your brother put it in the dryer. AGAIN."

I sigh. This is the fourth time. In a month. And now we have to buy another suit.

"MICHAEL ADRIAN YOU GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"Geez sis, no need to scream." Michael walks out yawning.

"Michael."

"yeah? Ya know if you're not gonna say something important I'm going back to my nap."

"What have we told you about putting Steve's suit in the dryer?"

"Uh…Don't do it?"

"Yes. And what did you just do?"

"Put it in the dryer."

" And were you supposed to do that?"

"No."

"So now we are going to punish you."

"Fine, fine, whatever."

" I am going to hand you over to Steve."

"Yeah, yeah. I can take him."

"And then Natasha."

"WHAAAAT?"

" And then Fury."

"Oh God."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters.**

**Rule 12: Clint, there is no need to shoot at everything you think is a target. We get it, you are better than Katniss.**

It was a fairly boring day with the Avengers.

Tasha was reading a book about who really killed JFK. Really, it's my copy, she was just borrowing it. We have a very interesting library here at S.H.I.E.L.D.

Thor was eating Pop-Tarts.

Steve was trying to convince Michael that we really should have an Avengers bake sale.

Michael was pretending to listen to Steve, but really he was playing Temple Run on his iPhone.

Tony and Bruce were walking on some weird science-techno-thing that I couldn't even pretend to understand even if I wanted to.

I was typing an e-mail to my friend Nicole on my laptop.

_Yeah, it's actually been really quiet here these past couple days. Sort of boring actually. _

That was when the arrow hit Michael's iPhone.

Michael's phone started sparking, he freaked out and threw it over by Tony and Bruce. His phone exploded as they both dived behind the table. Sadly for Tony and Bruce, Michael's phone exploding took their weird techno-thing with it.

"YOU ARE DEAD LEGOLAS!" Tony screams at Clint, who is, as usual, hiding up in the rafters.

"OH HE IS SO DEAD! I WAS ALMOST AT A NEW HIGH SCORE!" Michael screams.

"Clint! What the hell was that for!" I yell.

"Who's better now?!" He shouts down at Michael. "Me or that stupid girl from the movie?"

Tasha and I both facepalm.

"Clint we talked about this! There is no 'Katniss vs. Hawkeye' thing!" I call up to him.

"But Michael said-

"Clint I would think you would be smart enough to know that if it comes out of Michael's mouth it is not to be taken seriously!" Tasha screams.

"DEAD DO YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!" Michael and Tony scream.

As Clint, Tony and Michael all get into fighting stances, I type the last line of my e-mail.

_You know what I just wrote? Scratch that. Completely. _

_Kira._


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers, then this stuff would actually be in the movie.**

**Rule 14: Thor, you need to come up with some better lines for fighting with Loki. The line "Yeah-well-you're adopted!" is getting a ****_little _****old…**

"Ah, Kira. So nice to see you again." Loki said in that creepy-as-heck(Well, to me at least. Not to his fangirls.) voice.

"Touch her and die." Clint snarls as he notches another arrow.

"Wow. For once I agree with you on something. The seventh sign of the apocalypse." Michael says calmly, but his tone of voice sounds like he's about to throw something heavy in Loki's general direction. Heck, so will I if he keeps this up.

"Loki, surrender!" Tony yells as he flies down from the sky in the Iron Man suit-Why the eff can't the man ever enter a situation non-dramatically-and aims the repulsors at Loki. Tasha, Thor, Steve and Bruce all show up right behind him and land the Quinjet. We all get ready to fight, but the only person Loki looks in the least scared of is Bruce. Michael and I still find it hilarious that there is still a Loki-shaped dent in Tony's floor.

"Ah, Brother. It's just like a celebration, isn't it? Together at last." Loki says. Michael and I both head towards some cars parked on the side of the street(What-your car insurance doesn't cover damage by fighting supervillains?) when Thor randomly yells "Yeah-well-you're adopted!"

Clint and I give each other "What the heck is going on here?" looks. Tasha blinks in surprise. Tony, Bruce and Michael all look like they have no idea what the heck is going on here and Steve just looks at Thor like he's crazy.

"Oh, Brother. That insult is getting a little old, don't you think?"

"yeah-well-you're adopted!" Thor yells again.

Right now we're all pretty confused. And looking around at each other wishing someone else would please do something so this all makes sense. However, everyone else is as confused as me.

"Really?" Loki asks.

"Yeah-well-you're adopted!"

"Brother, seriously, I believe-

"yeah-well-you're adopted!"

"AVENGERS! TAKE HIM DOWN SO WE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ANYMORE!" Steve screams. And we all get ready to go.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters.**

**Rule 15: Steve is no longer allowed to tell knock-knock jokes. If no one is laughing they are clearly not funny. And if Tony, Michael, and/or Kira is laughing, it's not at the joke. It's at you.**

"Knock-knock!" Steve shouts randomly. Michael groans and buries his head in his arms at the table. Tasha's hands curl into fists, but she seems to be able to stop herself from committing homicide, Bruce, Thor, and Clint all try to sneak out of the room(But Thor was never very good at being quiet.) but they fail and all smile sheepishly and move back to their seats at the table. And Tony takes a large swig of vodka.

I pat Michael on the back as comfort for a while, but then I just decide to do what he was doing and bury my head in my arms as well.

"Who's there?" Tony says sullenly.

"The interrupting cow!"

"The interrupting cow-" We all start to ask, all of us sounding annoyed(But Steve isn't any better at picking up body language then Thor is at being quiet) but we never get to the "Who?" part of the sentence, because Steve yells "MOOOOOOOOOO!" and bursts out laughing.

"Ha ha ha." Bruce says, rolling his eyes.

Watching all of the others, try to pretend to laugh, the absolute absurdity of the situation hits me and I burst out laughing for real.

Michael and Tony both get the joke and burst out laughing with me.

Steve grins, probably thinking that we find the joke funny.

"Hey guys, I got another one."

And the happiness level in the room goes down by about 105%.

"Steve? I got one for you too." I say. "Knock knock!"

"Who's there?" he asks.

"Police."

"Police who?"

"Police for the love of God quit telling these stupid knock-knock jokes!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: As usual, see previous chapters.**

**Oh and good news. Since this story has been really popular so far and you guys all seem to like it, I decided I am making a whole new list once I am finished with this one. **

**Rule 16: Whenever Thor yells out phrases like "I'M QUENCHED!" or throws a cup on the ground and yells "ANOTHER!" just spray him with water from a squirt bottle, as he needs to learn about inside voices.**

Michael and I just made what we will forever consider the biggest mistake of our lives.

We allowed our parents to invite all of the other Avengers over for dinner.

Clint and Steve are with Dad, and he's showing them his collection of 1940s baseball cards. He's even got a few Negro League ones, which are his pride and joy( I would know. Dad was not very happy when Michael and I were practicing power control two feet away from his Jackie Robinson card.)

But that's another story.

Tony, Tasha, Bruce, Michael, Thor and I are all still eating.

It's kind of funny, cause you know your family is the all-American family when your mother bring out the good china every time you have guests.

Mom should not have brought out the good china.

"ANOTHER!" Thor screams, making us all jump as my grandmother's plate crashes to the floor and shatters into a thousand pieces. The rest of us look at each other, and then Michael pulls out the squirt bottles that Fury gave us all. Usually Michael would misuse these, but since he basically gets to use the thing every time we eat as a group, the urge to use them to spray Clint/Tasha/Steve/Me has been quelled. Thank God.

"THOR! INSIDE VOICE!" Michael yells as he sprays the water in Thor's face.

Mom turns to me. "Kira, honey, does this-

"Yeah, I would say it happens a lot."

**Five minutes later**

Since that, two bowls, one plate, and three cups have been broken.

"ANOTHER!"

CRASH.

Make that four cups.

"WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT INSIDE VOICES AND DESTRUCTION OF PERSONAL PROPERTY!" We all yell, beginning to lose our tempers.

Clint, Dad and Steve come upstairs from our basement and see Mom sweeping up fine china and the rest of us all spraying Thor with water from spray bottles, shooting them like guns.

I doubt the Avengers will ever be invited to come over to my house for dinner again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers.**

**While I'm sorry that this is not an actual rule, this is a oneshot about the new OC I'm bringing in. Kira and Clint get a dog. Thank you Cara Tala! Seriously, if you keep giving me these ideas, I will have to add you as an honorary muse. **

**Oh, and in other news, I made the Warehouse 13/Avengers crossover I've been talking about. It's called We Are Not Normal, so if you like Warehouse 13 check it out please! J**

"You two got a dog?" Tasha looks at it incredulously.

"Yeah." Clint responds.

I shrug. "It was his idea anyways. I just like the idea of getting a pet."

She nods. "Okay…What's Tony going to say about this?"

"We didn't tell him. So he may freak."

"Oh, good then."

Clint and I just purchased a golden retriever. As we walk down the hallway, we all try to decide what to name it.

"How about Arrow?" Clint asks. Jee, how did I guess he was going to pick something like that…

I nod. "Arrow's cool. You like Arrow, don't you boy?"

"OOOOOOOOH LEGOLAS GOT COMPEITITION!" Tony yells as he slides into the meeting room. "Wait, you got a dog?"

"Yeah."

"Im-hm."

"Kay…"

"THE SON OF BARTON AND THE DAUGHTER OF ADRIAN HATH PURCHASED A CANINE?"

"Yes. We did."

"And you named it Arrow? Wow, what a surprise…" Michael comments.

"Shut it Mike." I snap.

Said dog then bites Tony in the leg.

Tasha turns to me "You know what? This thing's got potential."


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I own Avengers. Sure, that would be why I is freaking BROKE!**

**Rule 18: Everyone please stop asking how Bruce's pants stay on when he turns into the Hulk. We don't know why, but we are thankful for it. Now STOP ASKING.**

"Agent Romanov?" some random guy asks Tasha.

She turns around." Yes?"

"How do Doctor Banner's pants stay on when he turns into the Hulk?"

Oh, not this again.

"Really? You too?" I put in.

"Well, some of us just want to know."

"Here, go ask Doctor Banner." I say.

"But won't that, you know, uh…"

"No, it won't. You'll be fine." I say sweetly.

He leaves. Tasha and I take one look at each other. We go find a Quinjet, steal Tony's credit card, pick up Pepper and Jane, and we all go shopping.

When we come back, there is a large hole in the helicarrier, Tony's suit is broken, Clint is out of arrows(Trust me. Clint out of arrows is one of the worst situations we could ever possibly be in. Or at least the worst situation when you're me.), Steve is sitting in the corner rocking back and forth, and Thor is stuck in the prison cell we built to house Bruce when he's mad.

"Agents Romanov and Adrian." Fury walks up to us.

"Yes, sir?" I ask.

"I really hope you have an alibi for this."

We turn to each other, and then say the excuse that will get him off of our backs for certain. Trust me, it works every single time.

"Stark did it."


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. Nothing.**

**Rule 19: Whoever is stealing Thor's clothes when he is showering please stop. It doesn't upset him. He simply walks around in the nude as he finds it freeing. Now stop encouraging him. **

"So, I don't think I need this assault rifle anymore. Do you want it?" I ask Tasha.

We're cleaning out our stuff on the helicarrier. We're currently moving to some kind of mansion Tony set up for us. We're still gonna come on the helicarrier every once in a while, but Tony wants us to be more 'independent.' Tasha and I are pretty sure that this happened in part because Fury chewed him out over the whole 'Bruce Hulked out in mid-flight and now we have at least $3 million worth of damage' thing.

See? I told you he'd believe us.

"No, you can give that to Maria."

Michael walks in. "Hey, Thor asked me to drop these clothes of his off on the Quinjet. Anywhere in particular I should put them?"

"Over there by Tony and Bruce's science techno-thingys I guess."

"Kira, sis, those might be important."

"Until I know what they do and have formed an opinion, I don't give a crap, so put Thor's armor wherever the heck you want. Except on my, Tasha's, or Clint's stuff. DO. NOT. TOUCH. OUR. STUFF."

Tasha nods. "But other than that, do whatever you like."

We both nod.

"I AM FREE! I AM FREE! I AM FREE! FREEDOM!"

Tasha and I turn to each other and run out of the jet, scream in horror and cover eyes, falling to the ground as we try to turn around and run back in the jet too quickly.

Thor is naked.

Suddenly I realize just why Michael brought Thor's stuff to the jet. Why on Earth would Thor be dumb enough to trust MICHAEL with anything that had any significance to anyone?

I turn on my phone and call Jane.

"We got a problem. Major problem."

"Oh, hi Kira. What's wrong?"

"Your boyfriend is naked on our flight deck. Please get up here and stop him before any SHIELD agents sustain severe emotional damage. "

"What? He's NAKED!?"

"Michael. And likely Tony."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"That's what we're thinking."

"I'll be right there."

I turn to Tasha. "Tell me you called Fury. As soon as Jane gets up here and realizes the true ramifications of 'my boyfriend is naked' she's going to be absolutely no help at all."

"_Da."_


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: *Sighs* No I don't own the Avengers. And I didn't last chapter, or the chapter before that, and very likely not any chapters to come.**

**Rule 20: Thor, if you have something to say, just say it rather than posting sticky notes everywhere. We mean it.**

"That movie was terrible." Clint says as we walk back in.

I nod. "Agreed. What the hell was the point? No action, no death, no violence, and dialogue that makes me wonder if Michael was the screenwriter."

Pepper glares at us. "That movie was beautiful! How could you not like it?!"

For some reason, Clint and I decided it would be a good idea to double-date with Tony and Pepper.

I'm pretty sure at least one or both of us was drunk at that time.

I shrug. "Well, first of all, it was boring. Second of all-well, I can't think of a second of all because I fell asleep around one fourth of the way through the movie and didn't wake up-

"Yeah, I fell asleep around one third of the way through, and that's because I had a ton of coffee this morning." Clint said.

Tony shrugged. "I fell asleep during the previews."

We walk into the kitchen and turn on the light.

Our entire kitchen is covered in sticky notes.

The words What, The, and Hell come to mind.

I take a few off of the stove and read:

WE ARE OUT OF THE TARTS OF POP. I BLAME THE BRIGAND ADRIAN(THE YOUNGER ONE.)

On another one:

WHAT IS THIS 'TWITTER' MICHAEL KEEPS TALKING ABOUT? HE SAYS IT IS A PLACE OF GREAT LITERATURE AND INTELLIGENCE.

On yet another one:

WILL THE WORLD REALLY END ON DECEMBER 21ST, 2012? MICHAEL AND STARK SAY THAT IT WILL.

And the killer:

BARTON, THESE ARROWS OF YOURS ARE NOT NECESSARY, CORRECT? THE MAKER OF YOUR WEAPONS SHOULD NOT MAKE THEM SO VULNERABLE TO LIGHTNING.

Oh, shit.

Clint whirls around. "I'm gonna kill him."

The next morning, Thor woke up with seven arrows in his head, four in his chestplate, and three in each leg.

Ladies and gentlemen, why not to screw with Clint Barton's stuff.


	22. Chapter 22

**Okay, yes, this is an update and also possibly my longest ever author's note, but I want to start another fanfic and I'm looking to you guys(The best readers in the world) to help me choose the fandom and stuff like that….So, my idea for the fanfic...I've narrowed it down to these fandoms:**

**Lord of the Rings**

**Soul Eater**

**Psych**

**NCIS**

**Supernatural**

**Yeah, very weird, I know, I have varied interests. And I'm crazy. Mostly crazy. I wanted it to be a submit-your-own-OC type of thing and it might even be one of those stories where some fangirls get thrown into this story. So, let me know which one you want and/or would be most likely to read and submit an OC for that story-fangirls or no. Just PM me and I shall send you the character profile thingy. Now, on to the actual update. **

**Rule 23: Never tell Bruce we are out of Lucky Charms. Whenever we are out you will bleeping find a bleeping way to go to the bleeping grocery store and buy that crap. **

"Do we even have ANYTHING for breakfast?" I yell to Tasha. She shrugs. "Not really. I thought Clint and Tony went shopping yesterday."

I roll my eyes. "Well, that explains it. Hey, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."

"AAAAAAHHHHH! NOOOOOOOO! THE TARTS OF POP ARE GONNNNNNNNEEEEE!"

Yep, guess who that was…

"Hey guys, do we have any Lucky Charms?'

I quickly shut the cereal cabinet so Bruce cannot see the obvious absence of Lucky Charms around here.

I look at Tasha. I look at Clint. I look at Michael. No one is really sure what to do right now, because WE ARE OUT OF THE LUCKY CHARMS.

I, Kira Adrian, do officially declare a state of emergency.

"Uh…yeah…" Clint says, while Michael comes in with "About that…"

I gulp. "Um…Bruce…"

Here is when Tasha's self-preservation kicks in.

"IT WAS ALL STARK'S FAULT! HE DIDN'T BUY THEM YESTERDAY!"

Yeah, she doesn't really have the fight-or-flight instinct. More like the fight-or-blame-it-on-somebody-else instinct.

And…Bruce starts looking a little green.

**Ten minutes later… Switching to the author POV, as Kira is currently unconscious.**

"Hey guys, we brought breakfast!" Steve yells as he and Tony walk in the door.

They saw Kira, Clint, Tasha, Thor, and Michael all laying on the floor, unconscious.

And then they heard the voice behind them.

"STARK…"


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avengers. Never did. Never will. **

**And, for those who don't read Diamonds and Arrows, the fanfic that seems to have won so far is NCIS. If I get any more votes, it's a majority rule, but NCIS is currently winning. My current plan for that is DiNozzo/OC.**

**Rule 22: Steve is no longer allowed to eat Kira's lip balm. It's hazardous to his health. In more ways then one.**

**Author POV(Yeah, I know, this rarely happens, but it's for the story, so bear with me.)**

"ROGERS!"

Kira ran down the hallway, chasing a terrified Steve around the Avengers Mansion.

He rushed into the kitchen, where Clint and Michael were currently having a contest on who could make and finish the biggest sandwich.

When people get bored around here, crazier things have happened. See previous chapters.

"What's going on? Did you find the spider in your suit?" Michael asked. He burst out laughing. "I wish I had my phone. Do you know how much it cost for Tony and I to ship that from Guatemala?"

"HELP ME! And wait, what about a spider from Guatemala in my suit?" Steve yelled.

"Damn it!" Michael swore. "Stupid thing must have escaped. AGAIN. Seriously, if we had known it was a little mini eight-legged escape artist, we would have gotten the one from Venezuela."

Ignoring Michael(As Kira and Tasha often suggested) Clint asked "What's wrong?"

Steve managed to stop hyperventilating long enough to gasp. "Kira…trying…kill…me."

"What'd you do?" Pepper asked, joining the conversation.

"Kinda…ate…that weird stuff…she's always putting on her lips…"

Clint winced, Pepper cringed, and Michael shuddered.

"Dude, you're screwed. Like, S-C-R-E-W-E-D. Don't you know ANYTHING? God, maybe spending, like, 80 years in the ice does give you brain damage."

"Hey! And, um, what do you mean?"

"Okay, trip down memory lane time." Michael began. "So, Kira was like, thirteen or twelve or something, and I was about ten, and back then she was using those really weird lip gloss things that pretty much all girls use when they're teenagers. So, my friend came over, and he said he'd pay me five bucks if I ate the creepy weird thing-that-was-supposed-to-be-lip-gloss-but-we-weren't-really-sure. So, I did, and if that hadn't been when our powers manifested, I am still completely sure I would have freaking died." He turned to Steve again. "You don't happen to have like, COMPLETE invulnerability, do you?"

Clint nodded. "You think being frozen in ice is bad? Try pissing off Kira."

Steve blinked. He looked around the kitchen, as if hoping there was a secret escape passage hidden behind the microwave.

There was not.

Fury, as usual when something related to Agents Romanov, Adrian and Barton happened, decided he did not want to know.


	24. Chapter 24

**So, it's kind of weird cause I'm giving everyone on different stories different news, but the two fanfics I have decided to write have been NCIS and Lord of the Rings. Super happy to get started. They are both up now and on my profile. This(hopefully) will not get in the way of Diamonds and Arrows and this story, these two are my most popular, so they will be my first priority. Thanks to all those who voted and I hope you enjoy the results! **

**Rule 23: Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any "magic beans."**

"Kira, shut your eyes."

"Clint, I swear to God, if you tell me to open my mouth when my eyes are closed, you will die. I have a younger brother. I know these things."

Mostly, I am sorry to say, from experience.

"Kira, honestly, just shut your eyes."

I do, but I really, really hope that this doesn't end up how it always did with Michael.

"Okay, now open!"

He's holding a pair of earrings. Sapphire earrings. He's not stupid, he knows that blue is my favorite color and that I have enough diamonds to last me a lifetime and they are really pretty but wait a minute…

"Clint, where the hell did you get these?"

"Um…a jewelry store?"

While he isn't stupid(most of the time) he should know that neither am I.

"You're lying."

"Jeez, try to do something nice for your girlfriend and…

"Clint, honestly, as long as what you did to get these wasn't illegal, I don't care."

"Well, I don't think it's TECHNICALLY illegal, cause you'd have to be pretty stupid to fall for that one, so I don't THINK anyone bothered to make a law about it, so it shouldn't be…"

"Clint. Get. To. The. Point. What. Did. You. Do."

My answer comes in the form of an Asgardian and a Super-Soldier.

"BARTON! THERE IS NO BEANSTALK! THESE MAGIC BEANS ARE OBVIOUSLY DEFECTIVE!"

"Has anyone seen the pinto beans? Jane was going to cook them for dinner tonight, I'm trying to help her look." Steve says.

Clint turns to me. "You should be able to keep the earrings, but I'm pretty sure he's gonna demand back Excalibur."

"You traded pinto beans for a pair of earrings and Excalibur?"

**Lol. Clint is being quite the FOOL today don't you think? Hahaha little Soul Eater reference there, couldn't resist. See you guys next update!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers.**

**Rule 24: Post-mission reports to Director Fury are not allowed to begin with "So let me explain…"**

"That," I announce as we walk through the helicarrier "Could not have possibly gone worse."

"Oh, I don't know…" Tony responds. "I think it could have gone worse. For example, I could have-

"We don't want to hear it." Clint snaps.

"But really, guys, if I had-

"STARK, WE DON'T FRICKING WANT TO HEAR IT!" Steve yells at the top of his lungs. The others, namely, Bruce, Tasha, and even Michael, are pretty much speechless at how fricking horrible that mission went.

I am too busy panicking to be struck speechless.

"What are we going to tell Fury? He knows it's all Stark's fault, right? Oh God, how the hell are we going to explain this? We are all going to fricking DIE, Tony, and this is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

I am not a person that scares easily. The only time I have been like this before is when Michael put a frog in my bed when I was twelve.

In my defense, I had been watching horror movies with my friends earlier that night, and the feel of a slimy thing next to you in bed is more than enough to set you off after watching people get massacred for four hours straight.

And trust me, what happens when an agent fails a mission is NOT. GOOD.

Clint, Tasha and I generally have a nice track record. But once Stevenson failed a mission (**For those of you who have forgotten, Stevenson is the jerk SHIELD agent I made up as the guy who Clint shot for playing Galaga. :D)** and Fury was terrifying. At the time, I was too busy doing the 'Stevenson's in trouble' dance that Agent Harkness came up with, but I remember being so, so, so happy it wasn't me.

"We aren't going to tell Fury." Clint said. "Stark is."

Any doubt I had about being totally and completely in love with him just went out the window.

"Uh…" Tony says, not very happy as the entire group turns on him.

"Good plan." (Steve)

"Damn straight it's a good plan."(Michael)

"YES, STARK SHALL BE THE SCAPEGOAT!"(Guess who?)

"In you go." Tasha shoves him in to Fury's office.

Just before the rest of us run away, we hear Tony begin, "So let me explain…"

Around thirty seconds later, as we run faster than any of us ever thought possible, we hear "WHAT!?"

No, I do not feel guilty about throwing Tony under the bus like that. Yes, we all just kept running.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Avengers.**

**Rule 25: Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint, stop referring to it as such.**

**Warning: The following contains spoilers to the movie****_ Independence Day. _**** So, if you have not seen that movie yet and want to, either don't read this or know part of the ending.**

"You're all packed?"(Pepper)

"Have fun."(Me)

"Don't get in a drinking contest with the Warriors Three."(Michael.)

We all just look at him with a "WTF?" look. As usual.

Sadly, he knows that from experience. You think regular Michael is bad, try dead drunk Michael.

But, not the point. Jane's going to Asgard, Thor is taking her. Obviously, cause technically there's no other way she could get to Asgard.

Tony's teleporter technology isn't working yet. It seems to have a nasty habit of leaving certain body parts behind while the rest of you gets teleported.

But again, not the point.

Clint comes in. "Try not to get probed."

_What?_

We all transfer the "WTF?" looks from Michael to him.

He just continues. "You don't look like you're getting abducted. I always pictured alien abductions with a lot more screaming."

Oh, someone shoot me now.

"She's not getting abducted by aliens. This is not _Independence Day."_ I sigh.

"Nobody got abducted in that movie."

"Yeah, the old guy did. The one who died at the end?"

"He was crazy."

"Yeah, cause he got abducted."

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that. Try not to come back crazy, Jane."

"CLINT!"

Michael grumbles something about superpowers and annoying.

"WHAT DOTH BE GOING ON?" Thor asks.

Michael seizes the moment. "Clint thinks you're going to drive Jane crazy."

Two seconds later:

"OW! THAT'S ILLEGAL! DON'T YOU DARE! SHIELD CAN DECLARE WAR ON YOUR PEOPLE, YOU KNOW!"(Clint)

"THEN, AS YOU MIDGARDIANS SAY, BRING IT ON!"(Thor)

"GUYS! DON'T BREAK THAT! THAT IS AN INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE PIECE OF ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT AND IF YOU SCREW IT UP THEN-

"GUYS! YOU'RE FREAKING OUT BRUCE!"

Enough said.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avengers.**

**Rule 26: Clint's superpower is not 'being super-annoying'**

"Nice going, Legolas." Tony snaps as we all wade through the wreckage that used to be the science lab. "We were trying to solve several of the world's problems, but then you have to go and freak out Bruce."

"Tony, making a TARDIS is not going to solve a lot of the world's problems." I say.

"That's what you think Sparkles."

Michael shoves another beam out of the way. "This sucks."

"Shut the fuck up." Clint grumbles.

We all duck as an explosion of sparks comes from something-or-other.

Michael keeps shoving debris out of the way. "You know what Barton? I think you do have superpowers."

I just keep walking, assuming that this is all part of some Michael-prank-thing that isn't going to end well.

"Uh-huh." Clint says, giving Michael a LOOK. "And what would these superpowers be?"

"Being super-annoying." Michael snaps as he jumps over some kind of weird glowing green chemical that appears to be eating through the floor.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Don't feel like it."

"I SAID, SHUT THE FUCK UP."

I keep walking, hoping that I won't be around when the bomb hits.

"AND I SAID, I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT." Michael yells back. "I COULD BE DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE RIGHT NOW, BUT INSTEAD I AM WALKING THROUGH THE REMAINS OF A TARDIS."

"Playing Minecraft for seven hours straight is not productive!"

"And spending your entire time up in that 'nest' thing of yours creeping on all of us is?"

"At least I have a talent other than being annoying."

"At least I never worked for Loki."

"At least I never ticked off Natasha, Bruce, Fury, and Kira in one hour."

"At least I-

Here's when you hear what sounds like Clint's bow being activated, and Michael yelling "DON'T YOU DARE SHOOT ME WITH THAT!"

"OH YEAH?! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO!"

"It would piss off Kira. She's my sister. Blood is thicker then water. IN YO' FACE KATNISS."

Clint calls up to me. "Kira, how mad would you be if I shot Michael?"

I yell back. "I AM NOT INVOLVED IN THIS!"

"I'm taking that as a 'not really'."

"OW! I'M GONNA FREAKING KILL YOU!"

"BRING IT ON!"

"MERIDA FROM DISNEY SHOOTS BETTER THEN YOU!"

"OH, PLEASE, I COULD BEAT YOU UP WITH ONE ARM BROKEN!"

"OH YEAH?! LET'S BREAK IT AND WE'LL SEE!"

It's times like these when I realize that I am almost completely surrounded by idiots.


End file.
